Letting You In
by zashaxander
Summary: Post Watershed: If you haven't seen it, don't look! So whatever happens, whatever you decide... Katherine Houghton Beckett, will you marry me?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: If I owned Castle, this would have happened and there would be way more make out scenes.**

**There is going to be at least one more chapter – and this 2****nd**** chapter is also the reason for the M rating. **

* * *

__1

_So whatever happens, whatever you decide... Katherine Houghton Beckett, will you marry me?_

Kate stared at him, down on one knee, so fucking romantic, she was even sitting on a damn swing. She was almost annoyed. Well, she was annoyed. She'd had this whole speech, about how she felt awful for not including him about the job, that although it was hard for her to let people in she was determined to let him in, and that... she had been going to say yes. She had been going to tell Rick all about the job, all about what it would mean, and then about the interrogation, about realising in that interview room, when she had to run out and see him, that she had been wrong.

She had spent her entire life wanting to please someone who wasn't even _alive _any more_. _First it had been justice, solving the murder... And now it had turned into making her proud. She would have been so proud. Her father had said it and it was true. And... The job in DC had been what she thought she wanted because it would have taken her back towards the original path, to the path her mother had always wanted for her, the path she had always been going to follow, since she was a little girl.

But now she had seen that life could be so much more. She had seen so much as a homicide detective, she had met her closest friends, and she had met the man she loved. And standing in that interrogation room, tearing down yet another suspect, forcing out yet another confession, she had realised that yes, it was her home. It was where she belonged. And she wasn't going anywhere.

But damn it, Castle had beaten her to it, coming out with his own speech about how he would be with her no matter what, how he wanted more, and how he wanted... everything.

And there he was. Still there, kneeling on the ground looking up at her with those beautiful, bright eyes, full of hope but getting steadily more worried.

Several answers played through in her mind. All of them involved a future with him. Even if she said no... But why would she? She searched her mind but it was all so clear now. Looking at him, thinking about it all... There was only one answer. It was a bit sudden, maybe it was rushed, they still needed to talk, and God she was scared, but... For one thing, it would never get more romantic than this.

"Yes," she said firmly. Rick almost dropped the ring.

"Yes?" he asked, stunned. Kate laughed, tears falling of their own accord.

"Yes, Castle." She held out her shaking hand and he slid the ring on with his own shaking fingers. They stood up and he pulled her into a tight hug. He was crying too. She bit her lip. She had to say it all, while she had the courage, while it was in her head. They sat on a bench this time, too wobbly for the swings. Kate looked at her ring for most of the time she was speaking.

"I know I have to let you in," she concluded. "I want to. So... you tell me, okay?"

He put his arm around her. "Always. And you tell me, too."

"Always," Kate promised.

* * *

**Please review. Now. I can always change it and have her say no... **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle. I wrote this to save flailing, screaming Caskett shippers. **

**Sometimes romance is about actions, not words. Sometimes love is about desperation. **

* * *

2

"Why did you ask me?" Kate asked, twisting the beautiful ring around on her finger. It fitted there, it did, and she liked it, but... They had to talk.

"To show you that I know where we're going," Rick answered slowly. He knew it had been a rash, impulsive, desperate decision, but... Once he had gotten the idea into his head, he just hadn't been able to get it out. He had thought through everything he wanted to say to her, everything he wanted to show her, and though he was a man of many, many words, that wasn't who Kate Beckett was. She _did _things. She _showed _things. And he had wanted to show her.

"We still have to talk," Kate said gently, knowing it was hard for him. "I know it's hard, I know I don't let people in either, but... You're not letting me in. You say you've had to grab and claw for every inch of me... And I think you're right. But what about every inch of you? I know that I love you, I know who you are," she told him. Then she reached up to touch the side of his head, "but do I really know what's going on in here?"

Rick looked at her, knowing what she meant. "I... Perhaps I understand your walls because I have walls of my own," he admitted. "But you are inside them. I'm far better at talking about other people's emotions than my own, but... I love you, and I want to tell you everything."

Kate moved her hand down to his shoulder. "Good."

Rick laughed; a dry, humourless laugh, leftover from all the emotional strain of the last few days. The last few weeks, really.

"What?" Kate asked.

"We're pathetic," he said. "Two strong, intelligent adults, not even able to talk to each other."

Kate smiled. "I know what you mean. But we're talking now."

"We are. Kate... Please don't take this the wrong way, but can I have that ring back?"

Kate stared at him, but she thought she knew where this was going. She bit her lip, _really _hoping that she was right, and slid the ring off her finger. She had already begun to get used to the feel of it there...

Rick took the ring and looked at it, then looked right into Kate's eyes.

"You are the most beautiful, incredible, fantastic, amazing woman I have ever met. I am more in love with you than I thought it was possible to be. I cannot imagine any kind of future without you in it; you've changed my life. You've made me someone I can be proud of, you've helped me to become a better person, to do things to help other people, and you've shown me just how wonderful a relationship can be. I know we still have things to work through but I need to show you that I am by your side, always. So, Katherine Houghton Beckett," he dropped to one knee again, "will you do me the great, great honour, of one day becoming my wife?"

Kate felt tears trickle down her cheeks as she held out her hand for him to put the ring back on. She had thought the first proposal was romantic, but this was... so Castle. The speech, the words... They were who he was and she had needed to hear them. She was a woman of action, but these were words she would remember.

When the ring was safely on her finger again, Rick sat back down and took her hand.

"I thought you would say no," he told her. "The first time... I thought you would say no."

"Then we _really _need to talk more," Kate said with a smile. "I mean, I thought about it, I'm not going to lie to you. I've done enough of that. Far more than enough. But... even if I took the job in DC, I'd still want to be with you. We would work something out, we would be together. I'm really sad that you didn't expect that, but I understand. It's my fault. I should have just told you..."

"It's who you are," Rick said, trying to comfort her. "We're okay now, and I don't want to change you-"

"But you shouldn't have to cope with something like that! You should be able to expect complete honesty from me! I'm your fiancée, Castle! You should be able to trust me."

"I do trust you."

"No," Kate said, wishing he would understand. "You... you're like the lion tamer. You love your lion, you don't want to lose it, and you think it loves you back but you're always wary, you always have to keep in mind that one day it might jump up and savage you for no apparent reason. You don't give up, because you love the lion. But you never stop worrying."

Rick squeezed her hand. "Kate-"

"No. It's my turn to finish. You said, before, that you wanted to marry me anyway. But I want more for you. I want better things for you. So... by saying I'll marry you, I'm promising not only to be with you forever, but to talk to you. About everything. And to tell you the truth."

"Kate, you don't have to... Everyone's entitled to their personal... stuff."

"It's alright if you have things that you don't want to tell me-"

"No, no, I didn't mean that. I want to tell you everything, too. I don't lie, but... there are things about my past that I don't like to talk about... But I do want to talk about them with you."

Kate nodded. "Then hold me to it, Castle. Make me tell you the truth."

He nodded, then put his arm around her. "My fierce, wild lion," he murmured into her hair. She leaned into his chest, feeling so safe there, but at the same time, a little... terrified.

"It's as if we're beginning a completely new relationship," she said.

"I don't know... We have been terrible at talking, and we really have to work on it, but we're still us, you know?"

Kate smiled. "Yes. On the topic of honesty..."

"What? Don't tell me you faked it on our first night together because that would destroy my self esteem for at least a week!"

Kate burst out laughing. He was so good at that. "Richard Castle, I have not ever 'faked it' while I have been with you. I was going to say, I'm kind of cold, your place isn't far, and if you wouldn't mind, I would very much like to come back there and..."

Rick was already up off the bench and pulling her along. They just walked to his apartment, it was so close.

"Did you ever fake it with anyone else?" Rick asked as they went into the lobby.

"You're asking me this now?" Kate said incredulously.

"It was on my mind, sorry."

"Yes," she said shortly.

"With who?"

"Does this really come under 'letting you in'?"

"Of course," he said with a cheeky smile. Kate raised her eyebrows.

"In that case..." she realised what she was about to admit. "I really am a _liar_," she said, more to herself than to him. "I've faked it with everyone else."

"And never with me? Really?"

"Must have been the four years of foreplay," she said, joking, but worry soon crept onto her face. "I... How can you not hate me for lying to you?"

Rick took her hand; they were stepping out of the elevator on his floor. He pulled her into him, his hands roaming over her body, making it tingle with anticipation.

"Because there are some things you can't lie about. And... you're damaged goods, Kate. I've always known it. And I've always wanted you, because I know I can get through to you."

"I don't deserve someone like you," she said.

"You don't think I'm damaged goods?" Rick asked. Kate forced herself to think clearly, which was fairly difficult due to what his hands were doing.

"You... you are, but... you hide it better than I do. You deal with it better."

"Maybe I just have even bigger walls than you."

"Am I inside them now?"

Rick unzipped her jacket and his hands found their way under her shirt. "Yes," he said, his voice deep with desire.

He had to let go of her to open the door; the loft was empty and they hurried to the bedroom, undressing each other in the practised way of a couple who had been together for a year. Kate grinned at the ring on her finger; it caught the light and sparkled, catching Rick's eye. He looked at her naked body, so beautiful, so familiar, and at the ring, the only thing she wore, which showed that she was his. She stepped towards him, tracing her fingers over his torso, finding his mouth with hers, standing on tiptoe as he supported the back of her head. After a long minute of burning passion, his lips moved down to her neck; her back arched and she pressed herself into him. His fingers crept down over her abdomen towards her centre but she took hold of his wrist.

"Let me let you in," she said slowly, forming the words firmly and carefully, giving him their full meaning. She used her hand to stroke him; he was already hard from the little they'd done already and Kate moved back until she felt the edge of the bed behind her knees. She let herself fall back; Rick kept her steady and scooted her up the bed. She parted her legs wide for him and guided him to her entrance, purring, just like a lioness, as he filled her. He waited a moment, letting her enjoy the sensation, before he began to move, supporting himself on his forearms as he leaned down to kiss her. His angle was prefect, brushing her where she was most sensitive with every stroke. She moved with him, letting him yet deeper inside her until every cell in her body was screaming, so close to the release which she wanted to share with him.

Her eyelids fluttered but she forced them open, seeing gold and white spots flash in front of her as she shattered around him. He came almost with her, pouring into her while her body still rippled with aftershocks. When he collapsed on top of her she held him close, not letting him move, relishing his weight pressing on her, their bodies still connected.

"I love you," she said softly, tracing her fingers over his back. He gave her another minute or so before he moved off her, knowing he was crushing her. He pulled out gently and she sighed, but settled beside him in a satisfied way.

"I love you too," he said, rolling onto his front and draping his hand protectively over her stomach.

"You're going to fall asleep," she told him.

"Do you mind?" he asked, looking round at her.

"Not if you promise to wake me up later," she said, closing her eyes. She smiled widely and felt the ring, still on her finger. She was engaged...

* * *

**Thank you so much for the huge response I got last night. A lot of people weren't happy with the proposal, and we need a lot of answers. You'll have to wait 4 months for the real thing, but I hope you like my take on it. Please review! **


End file.
